2017-06-21, 09:50
IT'S THE DUTY of a journalist to provide answers to the important questions; to be the eyes and ears for those who can't be there to learn the truth for themselves. And if they are truly lazy journalists, it's their responsibility to concoct a fake interview where they ask themselves these questions so that they can avoid the task of actually molding the information into some sort of cohesive story. This is especially true if it's a beautiful day and they'd rather be out best skateboard for beginners than writing about it. Or if there's a new episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter on. Either way.
Canada? Isn't that America's hat?
Yes. But it's also a country a lot like the US.
How so?
Well, it's pretty much the same as the United States except the people who live there don't have to feel guilty about anything because it's not a world military power and they don't have guns.
No guns? How do they smoke fools?
Beats me. I guess they just talk it out.
Weird. So were you with the Red Dragons or were you with those kids who wear capes and ride motorcycles through the woods?
Neither. I think most of those guys are in Vancouver. We were on the East Coast, traveling from Toronto, through Ottawa and Montreal, to Quebec.
Ottawa? What the fuck is that?
It's a big city where it rains all the time and apparently none of the girls have to go to bed at any set hour.
What does that mean?
Nothing. It means nothing. And Boulala definitely didn't fall in love with a girl called Big Bird.
How were the skaters in Canada?
Really cool. They were polite and very knowledgeable about popular skating. A few of them even knew who I was and asked intelligent questions about King of the Road and stuff like that.
What? I thought you were the guy that made the Toy Machine video.
No, I'm the guy that ate the donut in the Toy Machine video. The guy who made it is Kevin Barnett.
That's not you?
Yeah, except I'm 10 years older and don't know how to set the white balance on a video camera. I think he may have stolen my eyebrows, though.
Why are we talking about this? I want to know about the Feast tour. Why was it called that? Was it catered or something?
No, although we did get free pizza and cola after several of the demos. Apparently it's the Feast Tour because the first one was the Flip East Coast Tour, so to save space they took out the "lip" and the word "coast" too. I guess it makes it catchier.
Yeah. I guess it's better than Boom-Boom Huck Jam. How were the ex-Firm guys doing on the trip?
Good. Real good. Rodrigo already went with us to Geoff's compound in April and was tearing it up. He's really talented. Lance was doing good, too. He only got asked to do a sadplant at the street demo about 17 times.
What about Bob?
He never showed up; neither did Rune or Bastien. Bob had to do a hiking trip to pull all those boards out of the Grand Canyon and Rune was in Copenhagen where they were throwing him a 20th anniversary party.
Rune's been pro for 20 years?
No. I guess he's been skating for 20 years.
And they had a party for that?
Dude, he's like a national hero over there.
So how was it having all those people on one trip?
It was great, except for every time we went to eat we'd freak the restaurant people out. "Table for 20, please." We were in five different vans and the bros from Ultimate Distribution drove a cargo van with all the bags and gear. It was cool, except my one job was to get a group photo, which never worked out since Appleyard was always traveling separately.
Boring. Tell me some fucked up stuff about Boulala.
What do you want to know? He's pretty funny. He has three iPods with thousands of songs but he doesn't have the attention span to listen to a single song in its entirety. He jams out to the first 30 seconds and then gets bored and has to fast-forward it. Either that or it reminds him of another song, and then he has to switch the pods around to find that one. He definitely is not good at someone else being the DJ.
Wait. Is this Pod-talk?
Yeah, I guess. Sorry. Let's see. What else? He wears little white pointy-toed dress shoes when he's not skating and has a bunch of mesh blouses with tassels he wears under weird jackets. Although not as bad as he used to be, he's still filthy as hell. I don't think Scott Johnston would want to room with him.
Was Scott on the trip?
No. I was just imagining the cleanest pro skater I could think of. The kids at the demos all loved Ali and he didn't let them down. At every park he'd find the snowboard jump and do Japans as high and far as he could. He also did a melon grab to fingerflip.
You mean a kickflip melon?
No, the way I said it.
Where's the photos of that?
I missed it. One of the Canadian photographers shot it while I was reloading film.
You use film? Who are you, Ansel Adams? Who else was ripping?
Everyone, really. It was a rip-a-thon.
Yeah, but what about on the streets?
Nobody. It rained every single day we were there. On the last day we went to the Big O in Montreal for an hour. That's where Penny got that kickflip fakie. Other than that, it was pouring.
Is that thing a skatepark? how to turn on a skateboard
No, it's part of the 1976 Olympics complex. It's the entrance to an arena and the city lets the kids skate there. The locals were so gnarly. Marc Tisson could seriously turn pro for Big O. He's amazing.
I guess if you're into that kind of thing. What about that kid Shane Cross? What's with that rainbow scarf thing?
Search me. You know the kids these days. He was busting out, though. Let him wear leg warmers and a beret if he wants.
Who was the best?
Well, since all these guys are artists, that would be like asking who's best between Monet and Picasso.
Whatever, college boy. Who was the best?
Mark Appleyard. Yeah. Definitely. Mark is 100-percent on-fucking-fire. I don't know if he's at the top of his career, but he must be damn near close. The dude was destroying everything. Like what?
Did you see the nollie bigspin 360? Yeah. It's right here in the stupid article.
That was so easy for him. I think he did it first try. He did a million wild moves.
Wow. When will we see more of him in Thrasher?.
Beats me. Ask his team managers.
Who? Those English guys that own Flip? I heard those guys are dicks.
No. They're cool. Deacon was the only one who went with us to Canada.
But aren't they Dark Men?
What does that even mean?
I don't know. I read it on the Internet.
I don't know anything about that, but Deacon is definitely not afraid to fuck up a rental car.
Is that him jumping the van?
Probably. He also started a rolling food fight that went on all week. Ewan's van got caked with mustard and milk and all the bumpers were totally caved in.
Can Flip afford to pay for all that?
It's called the Loss/ Damage Waiver. Twelve bucks a day to treat a mini-van like a bumper boat.
Cool. How old is David Gonzales?
He's 15.
What about Eric Fletcher?
He's 16, I think. He's rad.
Did you do anything else cool?
Yeah. Norm MacDonald, the distributor guy, invited us all out to his lake house for a day of barbecue and waterskiing.
The Flip team waterskis?
Well, not exactly. Ewan and I gave it a shot, but the rest of them took turns getting hauled around on a giant inflatable danish.
What the hell is a danish?
Like a donut without a hole. Oh.
Yeah, it sounds stupid, but you wouldn't believe how much fun it can be to get slung around a lake with your bros on a giant floating pastry. I guess you had to be there.
Yeah. Oh shit, I almost forgot. Geoff turned 30 on 6/6/06. How weird is that?
Really weird. Did you guys go crazy?
No, but the kids at the demo sang happy birthday to him. It was a nice moment.
And that was it? I heard the Flip guys are all party animals now, like real wasteoids.
Not a bit. The birthday night was real mellow. The whole trip was. When they weren't skating, the guys were mostly just watching TV or getting ready for the next demo.
Even Arto and Ali?
Especially them. Arto's really into Pilates. Every town we were in, he'd get up extra early and find a class. He's always going on about his core strength.
What? Really?
Yeah. And Ali's got a scooter discussion group on the Internet he leads. He also spends several hours a day writing in a journal. He's really disciplined about it. I'm not that into poetry, but his Haikus are amazing.
C'mon. What about Big Bird?
What?
You said he fell in love with a woman named Big Bird. How to ride a skateboard for beginners
No I didn't.
Yes you did. It was, like, the third question.
I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, so Arto did Pilates, Ali worked on his poetry, and Geoff spent most of his free time either eating beef jerky or reading Scripture.
Now I know you're fucking lying!
What? I'm trying to tell you about the Feast Canada tour. If you don't want to hear the truth about the fabulous time the Flip team had bringing the science of stoke to the skaters of Canada, that's your problem. Go find a chatroom.
Whatever, liar.
I'm not lying. Want to hear about some more demo tricks?
Liar.
Whatever. This interview is over anyway. Good.
Canada? Isn't that America's hat?
Yes. But it's also a country a lot like the US.
How so?
Well, it's pretty much the same as the United States except the people who live there don't have to feel guilty about anything because it's not a world military power and they don't have guns.
No guns? How do they smoke fools?
Beats me. I guess they just talk it out.
Weird. So were you with the Red Dragons or were you with those kids who wear capes and ride motorcycles through the woods?
Neither. I think most of those guys are in Vancouver. We were on the East Coast, traveling from Toronto, through Ottawa and Montreal, to Quebec.
Ottawa? What the fuck is that?
It's a big city where it rains all the time and apparently none of the girls have to go to bed at any set hour.
What does that mean?
Nothing. It means nothing. And Boulala definitely didn't fall in love with a girl called Big Bird.
How were the skaters in Canada?
Really cool. They were polite and very knowledgeable about popular skating. A few of them even knew who I was and asked intelligent questions about King of the Road and stuff like that.
What? I thought you were the guy that made the Toy Machine video.
No, I'm the guy that ate the donut in the Toy Machine video. The guy who made it is Kevin Barnett.
That's not you?
Yeah, except I'm 10 years older and don't know how to set the white balance on a video camera. I think he may have stolen my eyebrows, though.
Why are we talking about this? I want to know about the Feast tour. Why was it called that? Was it catered or something?
No, although we did get free pizza and cola after several of the demos. Apparently it's the Feast Tour because the first one was the Flip East Coast Tour, so to save space they took out the "lip" and the word "coast" too. I guess it makes it catchier.
Yeah. I guess it's better than Boom-Boom Huck Jam. How were the ex-Firm guys doing on the trip?
Good. Real good. Rodrigo already went with us to Geoff's compound in April and was tearing it up. He's really talented. Lance was doing good, too. He only got asked to do a sadplant at the street demo about 17 times.
What about Bob?
He never showed up; neither did Rune or Bastien. Bob had to do a hiking trip to pull all those boards out of the Grand Canyon and Rune was in Copenhagen where they were throwing him a 20th anniversary party.
Rune's been pro for 20 years?
No. I guess he's been skating for 20 years.
And they had a party for that?
Dude, he's like a national hero over there.
So how was it having all those people on one trip?
It was great, except for every time we went to eat we'd freak the restaurant people out. "Table for 20, please." We were in five different vans and the bros from Ultimate Distribution drove a cargo van with all the bags and gear. It was cool, except my one job was to get a group photo, which never worked out since Appleyard was always traveling separately.
Boring. Tell me some fucked up stuff about Boulala.
What do you want to know? He's pretty funny. He has three iPods with thousands of songs but he doesn't have the attention span to listen to a single song in its entirety. He jams out to the first 30 seconds and then gets bored and has to fast-forward it. Either that or it reminds him of another song, and then he has to switch the pods around to find that one. He definitely is not good at someone else being the DJ.
Wait. Is this Pod-talk?
Yeah, I guess. Sorry. Let's see. What else? He wears little white pointy-toed dress shoes when he's not skating and has a bunch of mesh blouses with tassels he wears under weird jackets. Although not as bad as he used to be, he's still filthy as hell. I don't think Scott Johnston would want to room with him.
Was Scott on the trip?
No. I was just imagining the cleanest pro skater I could think of. The kids at the demos all loved Ali and he didn't let them down. At every park he'd find the snowboard jump and do Japans as high and far as he could. He also did a melon grab to fingerflip.
You mean a kickflip melon?
No, the way I said it.
Where's the photos of that?
I missed it. One of the Canadian photographers shot it while I was reloading film.
You use film? Who are you, Ansel Adams? Who else was ripping?
Everyone, really. It was a rip-a-thon.
Yeah, but what about on the streets?
Nobody. It rained every single day we were there. On the last day we went to the Big O in Montreal for an hour. That's where Penny got that kickflip fakie. Other than that, it was pouring.
Is that thing a skatepark? how to turn on a skateboard
No, it's part of the 1976 Olympics complex. It's the entrance to an arena and the city lets the kids skate there. The locals were so gnarly. Marc Tisson could seriously turn pro for Big O. He's amazing.
I guess if you're into that kind of thing. What about that kid Shane Cross? What's with that rainbow scarf thing?
Search me. You know the kids these days. He was busting out, though. Let him wear leg warmers and a beret if he wants.
Who was the best?
Well, since all these guys are artists, that would be like asking who's best between Monet and Picasso.
Whatever, college boy. Who was the best?
Mark Appleyard. Yeah. Definitely. Mark is 100-percent on-fucking-fire. I don't know if he's at the top of his career, but he must be damn near close. The dude was destroying everything. Like what?
Did you see the nollie bigspin 360? Yeah. It's right here in the stupid article.
That was so easy for him. I think he did it first try. He did a million wild moves.
Wow. When will we see more of him in Thrasher?.
Beats me. Ask his team managers.
Who? Those English guys that own Flip? I heard those guys are dicks.
No. They're cool. Deacon was the only one who went with us to Canada.
But aren't they Dark Men?
What does that even mean?
I don't know. I read it on the Internet.
I don't know anything about that, but Deacon is definitely not afraid to fuck up a rental car.
Is that him jumping the van?
Probably. He also started a rolling food fight that went on all week. Ewan's van got caked with mustard and milk and all the bumpers were totally caved in.
Can Flip afford to pay for all that?
It's called the Loss/ Damage Waiver. Twelve bucks a day to treat a mini-van like a bumper boat.
Cool. How old is David Gonzales?
He's 15.
What about Eric Fletcher?
He's 16, I think. He's rad.
Did you do anything else cool?
Yeah. Norm MacDonald, the distributor guy, invited us all out to his lake house for a day of barbecue and waterskiing.
The Flip team waterskis?
Well, not exactly. Ewan and I gave it a shot, but the rest of them took turns getting hauled around on a giant inflatable danish.
What the hell is a danish?
Like a donut without a hole. Oh.
Yeah, it sounds stupid, but you wouldn't believe how much fun it can be to get slung around a lake with your bros on a giant floating pastry. I guess you had to be there.
Yeah. Oh shit, I almost forgot. Geoff turned 30 on 6/6/06. How weird is that?
Really weird. Did you guys go crazy?
No, but the kids at the demo sang happy birthday to him. It was a nice moment.
And that was it? I heard the Flip guys are all party animals now, like real wasteoids.
Not a bit. The birthday night was real mellow. The whole trip was. When they weren't skating, the guys were mostly just watching TV or getting ready for the next demo.
Even Arto and Ali?
Especially them. Arto's really into Pilates. Every town we were in, he'd get up extra early and find a class. He's always going on about his core strength.
What? Really?
Yeah. And Ali's got a scooter discussion group on the Internet he leads. He also spends several hours a day writing in a journal. He's really disciplined about it. I'm not that into poetry, but his Haikus are amazing.
C'mon. What about Big Bird?
What?
You said he fell in love with a woman named Big Bird. How to ride a skateboard for beginners
No I didn't.
Yes you did. It was, like, the third question.
I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, so Arto did Pilates, Ali worked on his poetry, and Geoff spent most of his free time either eating beef jerky or reading Scripture.
Now I know you're fucking lying!
What? I'm trying to tell you about the Feast Canada tour. If you don't want to hear the truth about the fabulous time the Flip team had bringing the science of stoke to the skaters of Canada, that's your problem. Go find a chatroom.
Whatever, liar.
I'm not lying. Want to hear about some more demo tricks?
Liar.
Whatever. This interview is over anyway. Good.
